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Vysotsky’s “Aborted Flight” / 36 Year Later
Saturday May 21st, 2016 ~10:56AM-~11:16AM

Marina Vlady wrote about Vladimir Vysotsky’s “Aborted flight.” Vladimir Vysotsky, the man who played Hamlet on stage and in real life. Vladimir Vysotsky passed into the gentle good night, during the first year of my life: 1980. Vladimir Vysotsky, lover of women, song, and wine. Vysotsky’s art had a real rawness and intensity to it. A reflection of his stormy, passionate life, dedicated to God, and tormented by demons. Vysotsky sang about love and insanity, loneliness and hope. The reason Vysotsky is and will be remembered is that he had a realness about him. A real passion and desire to experience life at its most intense, beautiful, passionate, and of course painful. Any artist worth his salt can surely relate.

My favorite song by Vysotsky is “Pesnya Akuna” (in Russian) or “Song of the Second” (in English), which reflected Vysotsky’s deep yearning and passion for passionate understanding. Although he describe “the second” as a male, I prefer to think about that person as a female. Visotsky preferred to characterize himself as an actor rather than as a singer. I believe every great latter, is surely the former; as exemplified by New Jersey’s own Bruce Springsteen (whom I have dubbed “the American Vysotsky”).

Vysotsky’s sense of humor, as well as his intense, uncompromising music and passion for women will be remembered for its uniqueness, clarity, intensity; which is to say beauty. There was a clear sense in Vysotsky’s performances that he was “giving of himself fully,” something which every great artist does. He gave his all. R.I.P. Vladimir Semyonovich Vysotsky, age 42, 36 years later.


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My Angel

My Angel
Saturday May 21st, 2016 ~10:30AM-~10:48AM

She said: “all the angels, leave,”
“Why chase what you cannot receive?”
I said: “Beauty she will give,
Because in God I do believe.”

In the end,
My angel is my only friend,
She will help my broken heart mend.

This is my thought,
What God has me taught:
What is not sought,
Will be naught,
I would rather have walked Visotsky’s wire taut,
I would rather to have died knowing, for light I have fought.

My angel’s my most crucial part,
I’ve known so from the very start,
With my love, I will surely touch her heart.

“I can’t forget the touch of your sweat upon my skin, and the trembling of your body on the day you let me in, it happens once, only once in a lifetime.” (Meatloaf – What About Love)

Love, always,

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By God You Will Be Kissed

By God You Will Be Kissed
Friday May 20th, 2016 ~11PM-~11:25PM

I’ve fallen hard, but I get up,
Still fighting to see my buttercup,
Though I’m one tired pup,
Though I’ve had my fill of life’s bitter cup,
I still plan to go up.

For valiance, I look for the soul,
I aspire to the heights of Bruce, the poet laureate of gentle good rock’n'roll.

I yearn for the day to be won,
I’m looking for exuberant poetic fun,
“In the warm California sun.”

For the light,
On God keep a steady sight
Don’t surrender to the night,
That’s right:

I’ve been tossed on the jagged rocks by life,
By oppression, pain, and strife,
Nearly cut by hate’s knife,
But I won’t give up on my wife.

I will meet her on day,
Maybe we’ll both be crying “mayday,”
But to each other we will say:

“You are passionate and kind,
And that is a rare find.

You are an optimist,
By God you will be kissed!”

“Two hearts are better than one, two hearts will get he job done, two hearts are better than one,” (Bruce Springsteen – Two Hearts)

Love, always,
Deep in prayer,

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How we go on

How we do go on
Friday May 20th, 2016 ~2:41PM

From the depths of defeat,
From the ashes of hell,
From a broken and wounded soul torn into pieces.

How we do go on:
With infinite exuberance,
Irrepresable enthusiam,
Divine hope,
And a “tender grace hallelujah.”

That is how we go on!

Love, always,

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I fly

I Fly
Thursday May 19th, 2016 ~11:43AM-~11:53AM

Starving for truth,
Through the fires of hell,
Against the odds,
Against all odds:

Soaring with clipped wings,
I’m bleeding from my fingertips,
I look to the skies:

I fly as high as the angels,
I fly as high as the ones who dared to dream,
I fly as high as when I wept in Meghan’s arms,
I fly as high as when I touched her shoulder on the 22nd,
And she touched my soul with an eternal fire of sweet ecstasy,
Lighting the way into the infinite light,
And said everything, without saying a word.

“We’ll live forever,
Knowing that together we did it all for the glory of love. We did it all for love” (Chicago)

Love, Always, until and beyond the eternal sacred light,

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Sunday May 15th, 2016 ~6:10AM-~6:35AM

I think I could cry,
I think I could die,
I think,
I think,
And I don’t know why.

I was waiting for the moon,
I was waiting for the sun,
I was waiting,
I was waiting,
For the West/day to be won.

I am looking to the night,
I am looking to the stars,
I am looking,
I am looking,
To Jupiter and Mars.

All alone I do wait,
All alone I do wait,
And it’s getting late,
And it’s getting late!

All alone I do wail,
All alone I do pray,
All alone,
All alone,
Till/In/Through that light eternal May.

(Dedicated to Jackie “Flosse”:
Miss you love, miss, miss, miss, and love,
I’ll see you in the temple)

Love, always,

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Белеет парус одинокой
В тумане моря голубом!..
Что ищет он в стране далекой?
Что кинул он в краю родном?..

Играют волны – ветер свищет,
И мачта гнется и скрыпит…
Увы! он счастия не ищет
И не от счастия бежит!

Под ним струя светлей лазури,
Над ним луч солнца золотой…
А он, мятежный, просит бури,
Как будто в бурях есть покой!



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Он один, а ему неможется,
И уходит окно во мглу,
Он считает шаги и множится
Счет шагов от угла к углу.

От угла до угла потерянно
Он шагает, как заводной,
Сто постелей ему постелено,
Не уснуть ему ни в одной.

По паркетному полу голому,
Шаг и отдых, и снова шаг,
Ломит голову, ломит голову,
И противно гудит в ушах.

Словно кто-то струну басовую
Тронул пальцем и канул прочь,
Что же делать ему в бессонную,
В одинокую эту ночь?

Вином упиться?
Позвать врача?
Но врач – убийца.
Вино – моча!
Вокруг потемки,
И спят давно
Друзья — подонки,
Друзья – говно!

На целом свете лишь сон и снег,
А он в ответе – один за всех!
И, как будто стирая оспины,
Вытирает он пот со лба:

Почему, почему, о, Господи,
Так жестока к нему судьба?
То предательством, то потерею,
Оглушает всю жизнь его?
Что стоишь ты там за портьерою,
Ты не бойся меня, Серго!
Эту комнату неказистую
Пусть твое озарит лицо,
Ты напой мне, Серго, грузинскую,
Ту, любимую мной, кацо,
Ту, что деды певали исстари,
Отправляясь в последний путь,
Спой, Серго, и забудь о выстреле,
Хоть на десять минут забудь!
Но полно, полно,
Молчи, не пой!
Ты струсил подло
И пес с тобой!

И пес со всеми,
Повзводно в тлен,
И все их семьи
До ста колен…
Повсюду злоба,
Везде враги,
Ледком озноба
Ледком озноба
Шаги, шаги…

Над столицами поседевшими
Ночь и темень – хоть глаз коли,
Президенты спят с президентшами,
Спят министры и короли.

Мир, во славу гремевший маршами,
Спит в снегу с головы до пят,
Спят министры его и маршалы…
Он не знал, что они – не спят.

Что, притихшие, сводки утренней
В страхе ждут и с надеждой ждут,
А ему все хужей, все муторней,
Сапоги почему-то жмут…

Не приказанный, не положенный
За окном колокольный звон,
И, упав, на колени, — Боже мой! –
Произносит бессвязно он, –

Молю, Всевышний,
Тебя, Творца,
На помощь вышли
Ко мне гонца,
О дай мне, дай же,
Не кровь – вино,
Забыл, как дальше,
Но все равно…
Не ставь отточий
Конца пути,
Прости мне, Отче,
Спаси, прости!




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fair warning: next links, a bit risqué:
and translated from Portuguese

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* * *
Осип Мандельштам

За гремучую доблесть грядущих веков,
За высокое племя людей
Я лишился и чаши на пире отцов,
И веселья, и чести своей.

Мне на плечи кидается век-волкодав,
Но не волк я по крови своей:
Запихай меня лучше, как шапку, в рукав
Жаркой шубы сибирских степей, —

Чтоб не видеть ни труса, ни хлипкой грязцы,
Ни кровавых костей в колесе,
Чтоб сияли всю ночь голубые песцы
Мне в своей первобытной красе.

Уведи меня в ночь, где течет Енисей
И сосна до звезды достает,
Потому что не волк я по крови своей
И меня только равный убьет.

17-18 марта 1931

http://davar.net/RUSSIAN/POETRY/MANDELSH.HTM#За гремучую доблесть грядущих веков

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Katie was such a honey
she was so sweet

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thank you by Daniel

Thank you, God
For Sakharov, Solzhenitsyn, Galich
For Brodsky, Kushner, Mandelstam.
For Bruce Springsteen and Johnny Cash.

For poetry, love, art.
For joy.
For creativity.

For you, God.
Without you, we’d be lost.

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My site is undergoing some revisions I did not personally make.
I thank the authors for their input, but would humbly ask that perhaps those revisions be made as suggestions in the comments section,
rather than in the content of the site.

Thank you,

I wish to know my e-mail, please let me know.

ehh wish I knew linux. I guess I’ll leave it to those who do.
(I’d prefer that I made revisions personally)
It makes me sad to see the Katie photo revised.

For those who wish to leave comments and want them to be published, I will try to do so if I can.

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A few songs I like

A few songs I like

music getting a bit garbled, sorry.

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A couple of songs

John Cale – Hallelujah

This song makes me sad. I remember crying and crying the first time I heard it.

nana mouskouri – amazing grace

This one I love as well. I dedicate it to my new friends.
It was written by John Newton. A man who had a quite a change of heart (which began around this time)

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Dear Friends

The roles we play is what we become.
If we genuinely behave like a good guy long enough, we become one.
There are heroes in this story and perhaps even “villains”.
But they are not even really villains - they are in pain and lost.
Lets help them with love and compassion, find their way.
I hope they do, but that is their choice.
A man who was once a “villain” can become a hero.
Remember John Newton. He wrote “Amazing Grace”.

P.S: I am not playing any role. I am not on any side. I believe in love and the good. Many of you do as well. And for those who are not, I hope one day they will have a change of heart, and we will stand together as freinds, and stop hurting each other. I do not want to win and for someone to lose. I hope that we can find a path to happiness together.

We are individuals and unique. We have individual choice. That is beautiful.
We are also here together. That is beautiful as well.

P.S: Although I am not on any side,
I do not wish my friends or my home to be injured.
I love this land. Nor do I wish harm to anyone else.


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Billy Joel – River of Dreams

Used to love this video.
Just watching a bit..

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Well – so, the journey continues I guess.
Don’t know much what to make of any of this.
In my life, taking things seriously hasn’t helped me much.
Even if they are serious.

To quote a song: All I know – all I know love will save the day.
At least we can hope. Let’s relax and hope – that’s my suggestion.
Life is a quest of sorts – I suppose. Only God knows the paths we walk.
I hope that we can all find some good together.

God Bless You,

P.S: Love this song:
Badlands (Bruce Springsteen Live in Barcelona)

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A small note

I am still having technical integrity issues on peace18.com.
As many of you know, data on the internet can be insecure.
A particular post can sometimes change without the consent or knowledge of the author. Please keep that in mind.

Can anyone suggest some good tools for data integrity?

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to Dorothy

I miss you.
I love you.
That is all..

Sometimes I think about you and cry.
We just couldn’t find a way.
Though we tried – God knows we both tried.

Oh Mandy – well you came and you gave without taking

Bible – Proverbs 5:19: “A loving doe, a graceful deer —
may her breasts satisfy you always.”

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Bruce Springsteen – Born to Run
Go Bruce Go!!

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to those we have lost

to Barry, Michelle, Anderson, Mitch, Dorothy.
And countless others.
You will be missed.

We need you near, but love and beauty called you someplace higher, somewhere upstairs into the fire

Не спешите сообщить по секрету :
Я не верю вам, не верю, не верю!
Но приносят на рассвете газету,
И газета подтверждает потерю

We will all meet you on the other side.

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Lets lighten things up a bit. Life should be fun.
The video is a bit adult (for those who like that kind of thing):
David Guetta – Sexy Chick (Featuring Akon)

She’s nothing like a girl you’ve ever seen before
Nothing you can compare to your neighborhood girl
I’m tryna find the words to describe this girl without being disrespectful
The way that booty movin’ I can’t take no more
Have to stop what i’m doin so I can pull her close
I’m tryna find the words to describe this girl without being disrespectful
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Pearl jam redemption song

Pearl jam redemption song

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Psalm 38

Psalm 38

A psalm of David. A petition.

1 O LORD, do not rebuke me in your anger
or discipline me in your wrath.

2 For your arrows have pierced me,
and your hand has come down upon me.

3 Because of your wrath there is no health in my body;
my bones have no soundness because of my sin.

4 My guilt has overwhelmed me
like a burden too heavy to bear.

5 My wounds fester and are loathsome
because of my sinful folly.

6 I am bowed down and brought very low;
all day long I go about mourning.

7 My back is filled with searing pain;
there is no health in my body.

8 I am feeble and utterly crushed;
I groan in anguish of heart.

9 All my longings lie open before you, O Lord;
my sighing is not hidden from you.

10 My heart pounds, my strength fails me;
even the light has gone from my eyes.

11 My friends and companions avoid me because of my wounds;
my neighbors stay far away.

12 Those who seek my life set their traps,
those who would harm me talk of my ruin;
all day long they plot deception.

13 I am like a deaf man, who cannot hear,
like a mute, who cannot open his mouth;

14 I have become like a man who does not hear,
whose mouth can offer no reply.

15 I wait for you, O LORD;
you will answer, O Lord my God.

16 For I said, “Do not let them gloat
or exalt themselves over me when my foot slips.”

17 For I am about to fall,
and my pain is ever with me.

18 I confess my iniquity;
I am troubled by my sin.

19 Many are those who are my vigorous enemies;
those who hate me without reason are numerous.

20 Those who repay my good with evil
slander me when I pursue what is good.

21 O LORD, do not forsake me;
be not far from me, O my God.

22 Come quickly to help me,
O Lord my Savior.


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Call To Arms by Angels & Airwaves

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Peace 18′s final broadcast

The last broadcast of Peace 18 will never be forgotten, it will live in eternity. For those of us who were there, it lasted even longer.

The last words of the mayday broadcast were spoken by Dancer. The machine gun fire echoed heavily – almost muting out his words.

Orphelia was requesting air support for EAF-011. Colonel Danton was (still) under heavy fire at radio tower one.

The firefight aboard EAF-011 was desperate and bloody, while a few of us made love and prayed in the background. Fighter jets from all nations involved had been ordered to shoot down EAF-011. the fighter squadron leader who refused the order was named “Aquarius”. His tombstone was hidden and protected for many years hence. Aquarius would order his squadron to disregard – an order which was ignored. he was shot down by his own men, as he was attempting to eject, while simultaneously using his radio to inform Peace 18 that EAF-011 was under heavy fire. and saying goodbye to his wife on the alternate com-link.

By that time EAF-011 was also issuing its mayday hail. The prayer we said together lasted under ten seconds. Most of us would die within the next several minutes. As for the rest of us – we would be scattered to different corners of the earth. Dancer and Doria were the only ones who would see each other again

The despair was palpable. our friends Mayday Peace18 were still attempting to hold off heavy artillery fire at radio tower one. There were countless desertions from the counter-assault reams storming radio tower1. Those that did so, by dropping their weapons – were shot down by their own . there were others that turned the guns on themselves. when British assault reams ordered Danton to drop his transmitter – he refused to do so – holding it up with his right hand and a peace sign with his left. He was shot on the spot.

The reason tower one held off for so long – a good seven minutes, was because the international divisions were engaged in a heavy firefight, maneuvering for the position of being the first to take Peace 18 tower-1.

“Mayday – mayday – mayday” echoed all stations.

Dancer caressed Doria’s body, one last time.

The rest of us hugged and wept. “EAF-011 had crashed” – came in the bulletin. By now we were receiving mayday on all frequencies. The sunlight came in through the window. The “station down” calls mayday hails poured in like the winds of a hurricane. The distress calls became a hum of a million voices.

“Radio down” he said. Peace 18 was off the air.


- Official news would later causally report that an insignificant (and therefore unnamed) radio station had had it’s license revoked. That it took over 532 army battalions and one third of the nations air fleet to revoke said license, was not mentioned.

- The heroic American b-teams that helped Peace 18 were later charged with treason.

- Colonel Danton would posthumously receive the Nobel Peace Prize (by unanimous consent). He would be nominated for the Congressional Medal of Honor over 300 times. He did not win.

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Right now is a time for greater trust, esp. with friends.
Trust is a risk – but I belive one worth taking.
I would rather trust than not – I hope many of you would as well.

I also believe that trusting even those who I do not know yet, is beautifull.
If you treat a man as a friend, might he not choose to become one?

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Elaine Paige – The Rose

Elaine Paige – The Rose

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untitled poem

Barry, Michelle.
Many friends I have lost.
God took them without warning.

I paint this pain a darker shade of blue.
I guess it wasn’t the right time or the place, for love right then.
I’ll see you again Dorothy sunshine, when we are both like golden clouds on the wind.

thanks to (for homages):
September by LimeyDawg (poem)
We Will Meet Again by Journey (song)
The Wind and the Lion (movie)

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Dan Rather – Courage

“To our soldiers in dangerous places. To those who have endured the tsunami and to all who have suffered natural disasters, and who must find the will to rebuild. To the oppressed and to those whose lot it is to struggle, in financial hardship or in failing health. To my fellow journalists in places where reporting the truth means risking all. And to each of you: ‘Courage.’”


Courage – dear friends.

(Not stopping my posts – just love this speech by Rather)

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Ephesians 6:10-20

The Armor of God

10Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. 12For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. 18And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.

19Pray also for me, that whenever I open my mouth, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, 20for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should. (link)

Dedicated to my friend Louis. Does anyone know where he is?
I hope his counterpart is helping him.

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I need tech/info research capacity, right now. Can anyone please advise.
Also, broad spectrum broadcast capacity.


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Uptown Girl – Westlife

Uptown Girl – Westlife

I hope this video doesn’t get corrupted. (ehh – I can already tell, it’s been tainted). The prince of darkness is busy these days. He’s trying to infect me as well. I’m trying to stand strong. I believe in God.

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to Dorothy:

We will meet again.

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It’s a simple and a very complicated story.
Of the power of love and all it’s glory.
And although there is no need to worry, some say worry now.

Don’t know how to finish that poem eloquently, so I’ll just say straight up:
Satan will be defeated. God will win.

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First they came…

“THEY CAME FIRST for the Communists,
and I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a Communist.

THEN THEY CAME for the Jews,
and I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a Jew.

THEN THEY CAME for the trade unionists,
and I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a trade unionist.

THEN THEY CAME for the Catholics,
and I didn’t speak up because I was a Protestant.

and by that time no one was left to speak up.”


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Anyone who needs to reach me, email me:
I can give you my phone number.

My skype account is: coloneldax2005
Any friends or anyone who wants to talk to me,
Please do not hesitate to call. I’d be glad to hear from you.
You can call and ask me about my peace8.com posts, if you need a reason.

I will try to get Skype to Forward to my mobile.

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To the Tea Party people:

I wish to alert you that http://www.ncc-1776.org/ has been hacked.
(evidence is this storm trooper link: http://www.theamericanresistancemovement.com/)
Appears http://www.infowars.com/ had been as well.

When real libertarians are painted as storm troopers, watch out.

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Hero risks court martial


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And now for something lighter:
gLee Single Ladies

And to my friends, esp. dedicated to those in intelligence (esp. thank you to Americans, Mossad, and Mi-5/6) and those in news media:
Don’t Stop Believin’ (Glee Cast Version)

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Ehad mi yodeah 1


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That's me


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We have become

We have become slaves to our own fear. The fear of being misunderstood, the fear of being hurt, even the fear of the good. Through our fear, a relatively small number of people can manipulate us and turn us against each other. Turn the world into hell on earth. The challenges are coming, and for many they are here and beyond challenges. I am afraid. Afraid I am losing my strength. Afraid I will be misunderstood. Afraid of being hurt. Afraid of pain. Death does not scare me, however. Neither does eternal hell. It does not exist. It cannot.

The answer is this: love and trust the world as if it were your own self.
There are enough good, honorable people here to change the nature of this story. I believe in you. Those I know and those I do not.
And as for the ones who are lost to the point of wanting to destroy everything, they have a heart too. They just need to find it.

Shalom and God Bless You,
Don’t stop believing,
Happy Easter


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to Governor Mark Sanford

Mark, fell in love in Argentina.
But the world did not agree.

Mark fell in love in Argentina,
Found her lovely body and went free.

Mark fell in love in Argentina,
But the world did not understand.

Mark, you fell in love in Argentina,
And I can.

Mark, won’t you let go of power?
Mark, won’t you come back to her?

The hell with fame,
The hell with power,
Go back and love her with all your soul.

(You found your heart in Argentina,
Let the world say what they may)

Go back and love that/your wildwood/precious/lovely flower,
And let them say you are absurd.

Go back and live your finest hour,
Go there – and love her with all your soul!

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true love

My 10 year anniversary in Israel

Jason Heath & the Greedy Souls – Sandy
(Bruce Springsteen cover)

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I need you

I need you near, but love and beauty called you someplace higher..

Bruce Springsteen – Into The Fire

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Elaine Paige – The Rose

Some say love it is a river
That drowns the tender reed
Some say love it is a razor
That leaves your soul to bleed
Some say love it is a hunger
An endless aching need
I say love it is a flower
And you it’s only seed.

Elaine Paige – The Rose

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I love ya man

Bruce Springsteen – Born To Run

Bruce, you bought so much joy to the world.

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Have I The Right

The Honeycombs-Have I The Right (Shindig) 1964

Dedicated to Dorothys memory

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In case


(In case this got lost in the crossfire)

PS: On an unrelated note: I will try to respond to all the comments.
Haven’t had the chance yet..

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Badlands (Bruce Springsteen Live in Barcelona)

I feel compelled to post this again. What sucks is I can’t get the usual joy I usually get out of it :( I’m singing and it comes in all half-baked – if even that,

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I Remember

I remember that night we sat together on the lifeguard tower.
Do you remember when we ran through the waves and you asked me what I was thinking?

I remember that night I sat on the bathroom counter, bloodying my knuckles on the counter surface
Did you hear me?

I remember when you touched my neck and I was happy.
Do you remember when you said ‘lets do something else’?

I remember standing on the ledge.
Why did I forget you then?

I see you in my dreams
I see your face and I am happy
Where are you?

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I Will Not

I will not prefer apathy to despair.
Hate to love.
Emptiness to faith.
Faltering to belief.

I will not give up on God.
No matter what.

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Aww – dude. And I was just about to ask you if you could help me score tickets to see Max. Never is such a long time.

R.I.P Colonel Dax. May 16th, 2010.
Executed on the internet battlefields of tsf, by friendly fire.

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For my Russian readers

Russian Video Clip Links (Davar.Net)
Koma Kuznetsova Narrations (Davar.Net)

Бездельник by Андрей Битов (Davar.Net)

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Call To Arms by Angels & Airwaves

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I am working on a book/movie script. Here is one particular scene:

Colonel Danton/Dancer’s statement to the press:

I wish to inform the members of the press (such as may be here), that all of the member of the Secret Service detachment loyal to the President (present at the time of the incident) are dead. I believe that most of the members of the administration are as well.

I would humbly suggest that congress convene in emergency session to clarify the issue of who indeed is currently president.

I urge the members of the press corps, as well as those in Hollywood, and Washington, as well as anyone (of public stature or not) to speak out on the incident in question – if possible.

The public must know that EAF-011 had crashed, and passengers dead.

Then Danton waited for the press to speak. But he realized he might have to wait a while. When will someone just come out and say it? I haven’t had the courage – so how can I expect others to?

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The live song from 78…

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Version 5

BTW, thanks much to everyone for their comments.
I’m sorry I can’t answer and approve all of them right now.
I will try to get to them..


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The Mountain (vimeo.com)

The Mountain from Terje Sorgjerd on Vimeo.

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Aeschylus quote

Even in our sleep, pain which cannot forget
falls drop by drop upon the heart
until, in our own despair, against our will,
comes wisdom through the awful grace of God.


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ah, my goddess amv iris

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Some random stuff

R.I.P http://forums.thestranger.com/
eggnog, Ballard, SR, skidmark I miss you

How to register for my site
Send me an e-mail

Letter to Indiana Jones

Billy Joel songs
Bruce Springsteen songs
Neil Diamond songs
The Beatles songs

Quantum Levitiation

The 9/11 Tapes: The Story in the Air

Forecast Highs

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Cool sites

Can someone e-mail me some sites they like?
My e-mail is coloneldax2005@gmail.com


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Jodie Foster

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Peace18 up

Peace18.com is back up














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I Will Never

I will never make love to you,
I will never see skies so blue.

I will never see the despair in your eyes,
And I never heard your cries.

I will only walk in the dark of night,
Never to see the morning light.


I can see. I can see her. I can see Doria taking her final step.

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I miss you

I miss you.
I cry for you.
I’d die for you.
Do you remember me?
Like I remember you.

Do you wish for love to blossom anew?
I stand and wait,
For you to come back,
For love to come back.

I believe in you.
Do you believe in me?

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Lets do something else

“Lets do something else” she said (to me).  I sit on the bathroom counter – and cry.  I ran through the waves with her – at night. We sit together on the lifeguard tower.  I see my wall,  and tears stream down my face,

As I remember (and miss) her.  She hops over the fence – like a little boy, with the ease of a little boy hopping over the fence.  She touches my face with her nose.  We sail away on a little ship,  just me and her, in the middle of the summer ocean, heading for our own little oasis/haven. She touches my neck as she puts/rubs on aloe vera juice/gel. I’m lying on the cot, and she puts a mouse,  on my blanket.  I fall to my knees and tears stream down my face,  as I pray for her.. I’m hanging on to the windowsill,  and she pulls me up,  saves me and makes love to me. Saves me.”Good morning” she says. The blood runs down my knuckles, can she hear me?!

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Dedicated to those fighting for us all. Maintain hope.
Maintain the frequency. God is with us all.

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The Truman Show

We’ll live forever
Knowing together that we
Did it all for the Glory of Love
We did it all for love

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Life is Beautiful

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Meghan – I miss you, more than I can (even) say. I wonder what you are like in heaven. You must be much like you were on earth – beautiful. That is all I can say. I wonder when I will see you again. You must be watching over me – even right now. I wish I could remember your face. I wish we got to spend more time than those precious two hours. I don’t know of any way to connect with you but to write to you, as if you were to read this. How many more times will I try to remember your face until I see it again, with full clarity? I don’t know how to pass the time, Meghan. Every minute seems to drag by, as if it was an hour. That is always how it is when you are waiting for something. Especially waiting for something you desperately want. Just to remember your name and that I knew you and that you knew me, brings me joy. It must be all worth it, as James C. Herper said. You bore your own cross, Meghan. You did. God knows you did. Will I have to? I hope not. I wish I took your hand that night. How I wish. I would give anything to make it so. But that is something that I cannot change. Maybe something even God cannot change, if such a thing is possible. I wonder how you went, into that gentle good night. Maybe you remembered me. Maybe when it is my time to go. I will think of you. As you always were, and as you will always be. Your last moment will never be forgotten, it will live on in eternity. And how I wish to live with you in eternity – one day, Meghan. My beautiful Meghan Cross.


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Where is Britney Peace?

“Do you believe in miracles?” I asked Britney. Britney Peace of CIA child Monarch program, was transferred approximately on September 11th, late evening or middle of the night to possibly Hampton(sp?) state hospital or an undercover CIA facility, from Summit Oak Psychiatric Hospital (NJ). “Go into her room and give her a kiss on the cheek, that is all you need to do to save her and send her on her way.” said Steve. I ran in, but hesitated and they dragged me out. I could not save her. “You are not her hero.” said Kyoung. He is right, I am not, but maybe there is someone who is. I urge the worlds intelligence community to save Britney Peace (now Patricia), if there is still time, possibly currently being tortured by the CIA for what she knew, what she found out, and for trying to speak. “I wanted to preach the gospel. I failed she said. I thought maybe I could love her. As if her grace was not enough. “Don’t try to help me” she said. “You’ll only get in trouble.” How many more dead girls will I have on my conscience before God forsakes me? “I will never make love to you – I will never see skies so blue. I will never see the despair in your eyes, and I never heard your cries.” How many more times will I say that again? Will I die with that poem still un-rewritten? I asked Ashley to help me write a different version. I didn’t make it in time, Ashley. And maybe not in time to help Britney. The world deserves to hear her sing Amazing Grace, like I was blessed two times to. A simple kiss on the cheek and things might have been different. Selfishly, I hope for the sake of my own conscience, that it is not too late. Someone save Britney Peace. Maybe Louis.

God Bless, 3:16 AM.

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“Lauren, I wanted to ask you to take me to California with me, but I missed the moment” I said to her.

“I have a boyfriend, sorry dude” she said sweetly.. I met Peter the night I wanted to ask Lauren to pose for a painting for me, but didn’t. “I can’t go to California, even on my own” she said to me. I saw her later that evening and/answer she called me “sweet pea”.

I met Lauren on December 19th, 2011, the night I met an lost Cassie  as the music from Heat played (in that scene where Val Kilmer leaves her forever), while I cried and later wept after I left my beautiful Greek restaurant and my beautiful Greek girl, who was wearing a shirt the same light brown colour I was wearing (that my mom gave to me). The night I first discovered RCC. That night I lost Cassie but fell in love with the RCC. Lauren was wearing gorgeous ripped stockings that night.

“And they’re out there – a – having fun in the warm California sun” I sang the The Rivieras – California Sun to her as she stood sideways and smiled, just like Jodie Foster  did once in a photo I cannot find.

I remember how Lauren’s eyes flowed and glowed with soft gentle flowing California sun; so beautifully, softly, melodically, lovingly; like a wave blown by a soft tender WEstern breeze on the Pacific ocean or like LAuren’s hair.

I never did get to say goodbye. Lauren left for California this year.

❤Kel and ❤ Francheska left too (for PA). I heard their baby was born yesterday, the 76th Birthday of my dear true friend ❤ Monroe. We lost Tim too, I’d love to hear “Dear Diary” one more time.

Forevermore, whenever I hear Tommy Roe’s “Sweet Pea” I’ll think about you standing in the surf in a bikini, soaking in the waves of the Pacific, and how you once called me Sweet Pea. I’m almost crying as I hear John Butler’s Ocean. Goodbye ❥ (my heart is sideways, I just checked the weather forecast it’s raining and might flood  in California) , or Shalom Lauren. I wan’t to sing “Don’t Stop Believing” by Journey to you, one more time. LAuren, do you have your hair down? Dear Lauren: Is it sunny in California?

I miss you softly,

I’m going to weep tonight,

God Bless You and Peter ❤ (Peter misses you ❤ ),

Daniel ❤



Send me an email

Tommy Roe – Sweet Pea

I’d love to know what he is saying to her at 1:39.. I think Sandy knows.

John Butler Trio – Ocean (Thanks, Ryan)

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Anna Kulik

Anna let us not be afraid,
Of the mistakes we’ve made.

Yes my heart burned for you,
But we never fully saw skies so blue.

Another day is gone,
And I’m still all alone.

When they said ‘jumper on the roof,’
I could see your eyes begin to move.

You had such a sensuous heart,
More than wisdom made you smart.

But what I can’t describe about you ,
Is those skies so blue.

I never made love to you.

But you spoke your intimate soul,
With all that esoteric Anna Kulik rock’n’roll.

True sweet heart passion,
Like Meghan’s kind sad fashion.
Is what you gave,
A woman like you could my heart save.

Not in body, true,
But in soul I made love to you,
And saw skies so blue.

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At the heights

At the heights
At the heights I stand,
At the heights I sing,
Won’t you understand?
Won’t you let wedding bells ring?

As I take your hand,
There is infinite power.
I follow God’s gentle command,
And I kiss my flower.

For my friends,
For my family,
I will make amends,
If you let me be.

Bury me in the earth,
Bury me in the sea,
Lay my body in the hearth,
It was dear to me.

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Our one and only man

Our one and only man,
Can’t you understand,
Love’s in high demand.

You bled,
You led.

Through hellish fire,
And untamed desire.

Because of you,
I saw skies of blue.

Blue pink ice,
And another roll of the dice,
And how the heart sighs!

Our one and only man,
Can’t you understand,
The truth’s in your right hand.

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I remember

God, I cannot forget you.

I remember Monroe’s little piece of heaven,
And the bee on his shoulder.

I remember Annie’s peaches in the park,
And Joe’s love for her.

I remember Brian’s smile,
On the day Dylan and Tyler were born.

I remember the seven course Irish dinner John told me about,
And all the friends I made underneath
Greystone blue skies.

I still believe in you,
I’ll never forget you,

“Yes, I’m lonely” says Ashley.
“I love your poem” says Amy,
“Who’ll stop the rain” sings Creedence,
“Let’s do something else” says Dorothy.

[Written Saturday February 23rd, 2013]

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Emily Bronte » The Bluebell

The Bluebell is the sweetest flower
That waves in summer air:
Its blossoms have the mightiest power
To soothe my spirit’s care.

There is a spell in purple heath
Too wildly, sadly dear;
The violet has a fragrant breath,
But fragrance will not cheer,

The trees are bare, the sun is cold,
And seldom, seldom seen;
The heavens have lost their zone of gold,
And earth her robe of green.

And ice upon the glancing stream
Has cast its sombre shade;
And distant hills and valleys seem
In frozen mist arrayed.

The Bluebell cannot charm me now,
The heath has lost its bloom;
The violets in the glen below,
They yield no sweet perfume.

But, though I mourn the sweet Bluebell,
‘Tis better far away;
I know how fast my tears would swell
To see it smile to-day.

For, oh! when chill the sunbeams fall
Adown that dreary sky,
And gild yon dank and darkened wall
With transient brilliancy;

How do I weep, how do I pine
For the time of flowers to come,
And turn me from that fading shine,
To mourn the fields of home!


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The redeeming moment

The redeeming moment is a sacred thing,
Sunshine and blue skies it will bring.

A silver star in the night sky.
Wipe away your tears, no more need to cry.

Unless you want to cry tears of joy,
Standing next to this boy.

Bruce sang “Born to Run,”
What a poignant  song affirming the California Sun!

I feel a joyful movement in my chest,
The anticipation of a forever rest.

The sound of God, is a simple sigh,
Which reminds us that we all one day must die.

And dying is a sacred thing too,
It’s about fields emerald and skies blue.

The promised land is near,
No more doubt – no more fear!

Show me a flower,
Heavenly sighs eternal hour!

You are exquisite,
And God sees it.

I see it too,
A feeling pure and true

What’s pure is a look,
Much finer than any book.

You bring hope,
Like Honey Oatmeal soap!


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Meghan, Mayday

The lines are blurred,
The Rubicon is crossed.

We must seek God,
Seek God at any cost.

On the Rubicon I bled,
By God’s grace I was led,
In heaven I shall be wed.

And what more can I say,
Except: “Meghan darling, Mayday”
I am tired but I will pray,
To heaven I’ll walk today,
“I love you” to her I’ll say.


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I stand defiance of tyranny.

For God.
For my world.
For my generation.
For my country.

For my sacred piece of blue green earth.

I am not afraid.
I am not alone.
I am not broken.

Won’t you stand with me?


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Tell your honeys / I Am

Tell your honeys,
Tell your boys:

I’m coming home,
To the place I am from,
To the place where I belong.

I am the light,
I am the night,
I am the fire,
I am the fight.

I am.

I am the desire,
I am the lyre.

I am.

I am the kiss,
I am the bliss,
I am the sweet eternal morning mist.

Tell your honeys:
I’m coming home.

Love always,

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Hope is a Bulletproof Vest

Thursday, February 25, 2016
~6:30 AM

Hope is a bulletproof vest,
I hold it close to my chest,
It is the feeling I know best,
It has passed the eternal test,
Yes, hope is a bulletproof vest.

Hope was made for you,
Hope was made for me,
Hope was meant to be given easily,
Hope is as beautiful as a blue sky,
Indeed hope is dear to me.

Yes my lips are torn up,
I have drunk life’s bitter cup,
Still I plan to go up.

I want to go to Ridgewood,
Where everything is good.


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Wednesday, February 24, 2016
~~11 PM

It’s been a long road,
That I’ve walked and tiptoed
Indeed it has been a long road,
I have carried a heavy load.

I walk down that lonely street,
Until I you meet.

The sadness is overwhelming,
The sadness is never ending,
I am not pretending,
Yes the sadness is overwhelming.

I walk all alone,
Until I am home.

I see the birds in the sky,
Flying so high,
To heaven the fly,
Till the day I die,
Bitter tears I will cry,
Sad sighs I will sigh.

Yes, bitter tears,
For 36 lonely years.

Yes I have a sad heart,
It was so from the start.


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Riches I hold in light esteem,
And Love I laugh to scorn;
And lust of fame was but a dream,
That vanished with the morn:

And if I pray, the only prayer
That moves my lips for me
Is, “Leave the heart that now I bear,
And give me liberty!”

Yes, as my swift days near their goal:
’Tis all that I implore;
In life and death a chainless soul,
With courage to endure.


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Saturday February 27th, 2016

If I could swim within your eyes,
I would tell you no lies,
You could hear soft sighs,
You would see blue skies,
If I could swim is in your eyes.

Yes you have a brave heart,
You are valiant and smart,
It has been so from the start,
Yes you have a brave heart.

Godspeed your love to me,
Godspeed it easily,
Until we finally are free,
May God speed you love to me.


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Thu March 26th, 2015

Will I be redeemed by blood, or by a touch?
I want to hold her hand so much.

Redemption is the holy grail I seek,
It is the blue skies I would pick.

Redemption is the flower in my soul,
She makes me well, she makes me whole.

I do not wish to bleed summer fields green,
And think about what might have been.
It is your quiet, wondrous, esoteric, exquisite grace,
That shines summer skies upon my face.

And this feeling is so divine,
That I forget about pain and time.

Redemption is the holy grail,
For it I yearn, for it I wail

If I could touch her hand tonight,
The world would shine her pure white light.

And God – oh God! would smile on me,
And I would finally be free.


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I am honored

Mon March 14th, 2016

I am honored to have bled,
And to have been by God’s grace led.

I am honored to have truly tried,
And to have been by Gods grace been satisfied,
I am honoured God never once to me lied.

I’m honoured to have found hope,
And to have loved the girl of honey oatmeal soap.

I’m honored to have loved,
And by my exquisite lovely Meghan to have been truly turtle doved.

I am honored to have known grace,
And to have wiped away the tears from Meghan’s face.

And I’m honored most of all,
To have for God stood tall.

~~2:30 PM

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Fri July 17th, 2015

- 11:58 AM




A Vegetarian Poem (For Leroy)

Leroy, for you a vegetarian poem,

I want to gently intone.

Animals are God’s creatures too,

And they long for skies so blue.

Pepperoni pizza may be delicious,

But I can assure you, for your conscience it’s not nutritious.

Now my friend, you may not think of a turkey burger,

As anything having to do with murder,

But if you’re having some of that bacon,

For that bacon a pig was aching.

Contrary to what the TV says,

Chicken salad does not take away a chicken’s dismays.

Animals deserve to live in peace, just like you and me,

And to God’s face, see.

Animals long for God too,

And compassionate skies so blue.

(Vegetarians of the world, unite!!! :·) )

- love, always

your friend,


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Thursday March 24th, 2016 ~~6:30AM

Belgium for you I have a prayer,
As predicted by the soothsayer,
That cannot be taken away by any terrorist dismay-er.

I believe in God’s gentle hum,
One day your troubles will be done,
I believe in you and so does mom,
As does Tom,
You will shine in the morning sun,
One day the troubles will be done.

28 dead,
Shrapnel to the head.

No coward terrorist,
Can take away the sweet morning mist,
No bomb, gun, knife or fist,
Will take you off God’s hopeful list.

I talked to my sis,
She said we must stand united against ISIS.

Belgium you must stand tall,
Answer heroism’s call,
You cannot fall.

Belgium don’t give into this terrorist cancer,
You know love is the best dancer.

Still does dance,
Still knows romance,
Despite their tragic circumstance.

The distance
Even in this horrible circumstance.

This is what I’m saying:
For you every day I shall be praying.

Every day for you I’ll pray,
Every day till the eternal may,
I will pray God takes away dismay,
Even as the buried bodies you down the lay,
I will pray to heal you find a way.

Brussels stands united,
We’ll never be divided.

Belgium stand united,
We’ll never be divided.

The world stands united,
We’ll never be divided.

Belgium it’s true,
One day your skies will be clear and blue,
Belgium the world does so pray for you.

God bless you Belgium,



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Tuesday April 12th, 2016

All the colors,
All the races,
All the peoples,
All the faces:

Stand united,
Stand united,
We will never be divided.


All stand united,
All do stand united,
We will never be divided.

Black, red, yellow, or white,
We all know what is right.

Brotherhood of man,
Every creed, faith, or color,
Can understand.

Common human unity,
Is what set us free.

That’s why,
Till the world does die:

We will all stand united,
Stand united,
Humanity shall never be divided.

God bless you,

(P.S: Tannesia, sorry this took a while to complete.. Anyways, hope you enjoy it!!)

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Dear Kirsten

Tuesday April 12th, 2016

“Kirsten,” I said to her. “You shake my faith in humanity and renew it all over again. Every time I see you eating that turkey sandwich, a little piece of me dies. You say you believe in Saint Raphael the patron saint of animals (actually it is Saint Francis, but never mind that), but don’t you know that every time you eat meat, that Saint does weep?! You say you believe in vegetarianism, but is it enough to just believe. Doesn’t that require action? I mean, what do you think that turkey felt when it was tortured and killed? Is it enough to say that you have compassion, and yet continue to engage in the same horrible practice of meat eating that so many in the world degrade themselves to?!

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Sunday April 24th, 2016 ~1:51AM

Dear Bruce Springsteen Girl:

Dear dear dear Bruce Springsteen girl. I want to pour everything out on the page. Saturday April 23rd, 2016. 620 Atlantic Avenue. Barclays Center, Section 225. I was in Row 10, Seat 17. You were in Row 11, must have been seat 14 or 13.

What can I say about you, Bruce Springsteen girl? Most of all that you were so beautiful and sensuously shy. What a longing soulful sensitive look I saw in your eyes, every time I stole a glance back at Section 11. I’d forgotten there were women like you in the world. You helped me believe again.

I thought to myself, when I first noticed you, who’s that passionate blond honey with the cherry red lips, who seems to be saying with her very soul in her eyes: take my hands, dance with me, kiss my lips, and hold me tenderly all night long.

Somewhere between “the River” and “Shout,” I fell for you.
I felt like Bruce was playing the whole show just for you and me. After all, Bruce is psychic! ;)

I’ve been yearning for a woman’s touch for 36 lonely years, and somewhere during “Dancing in the Dark”, I think, I ran left two or three seats left, and took your right hand. You smiled a warm beautiful smile and gave me a thumbs up with your left hand, as I held your right and we danced to the greatest musician of all time, New Jersey’s pride and joy, Bruce Springsteen. It was a beautiful moment that I shall never forget and shall always cherish.

I’ll never ever forget you, Bruce Springsteen girl.

“One last time, I need to be the one who takes you home.”
Godspeed your love to me (one day), Bruce Springsteen girl, in this life or the next, in the Section 225 in my soul. From now on when I dream, you’ll always be in my arms.

“I get so emotional, baby
Every time I think of you
I get so emotional, baby”

God bless you Bruce Springsteen girl,
Love always,
I weep tears of sadness and joy,






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Bruce Springsteen girl

Bruce Springsteen girl
Monday April 25th, 2016 ~1:56 AM – ~3:02PM

Our two desperate lovers part,
A single soul torn apart,
Two human beings with one beating broken heart.

I wish I had gotten on my knees,
And done it so gently with Godly ease,
And prayed for you to stay,
Begged and pleaded pretty please.

What an exquisite, gentle flower!
You could have been my finest hour.

The touch of a hand was not enough,
To save two souls so brave and tough,
My God we both wept,
My God it was rough!

I still cannot believe,
At the love your eyes did give,
Ecstasy was in you eyes,
True passion I did receive!

The passion in your eyes,
Told me no lies,
What a brave darling valiant spirit,
What a glorious surprise!

We soared majestically,
Through Bruce Springsteen blue skies!

Before Bruce on April 23rd at midnight did retire,
He set my soul for you on fire,
And my heart for you did inspire,
With his passionate guitar and lyre.

Girl you moved my soul love,
I do not want another,
Thank you, Bruce,
Thank you brother!

Girl you were charming,
Completely heart-warming!

Girl, I need you for the soul,
I fell in love with you during Bruce’s exuberant rock ‘n’ roll.

Bruce Springsteen girl, I miss your pretty cherry red lips,
I miss your lovely hips,
I miss your exquisite, esoteric, gentle fingertips.

On April 23rd, everything was on the line,
But we just ran out of precious time.

After we parted, how I did weep!
Many nights alone I did sleep.

Though our parting was tragic,
Our time together was pure magic.

To see you again I would pay any cost,
You’re the one I need the most.

Don’t let the feeling die,
Keep the feeling alive,
Let the feeling thrive,
Lets see Bruce again live!

Bruce Springsteen girl,
As my love does unfurl,
You are everything to me,
An entire poetic tender world.

Bruce Springsteen girl, I’ll tell you why,
Because I am and always will be your Bruce Springsteen guy.

“Heart and soul, I fell in love with you
Heart and soul, the way a fool would do, madly,
Because you held me tight
And stole a kiss in the night”
(The Cleftones – Heart and Soul)

God bless you Bruce Springsteen girl,
Love forever: Section 225, Row 11&10 Barclays Center April 23rd, 2016,
For you my soul doth pine!


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Everyone is regrouping (Under God’s Umbrella)
Tuesday April 26th, 2016 ~3:06PM

Everyone is regrouping. Fighting fighting fighting to make it back. Off of the ecstatic high of the April 23rd Bruce Springsteen concert, the unbelievably sad melody ending of the concert of Alison Krauss’s “Down to the river.” Yes everyone is regrouping, We are under spiritual siege. Like that song said “Love is a  battlefield.” Where to go from here? Where will the next magic moment come from? There is no doubt we are all tired. I can see it in myself, in the people around me: Tony, Misha, Bryan. The skies get dark right now at 3:10PM. I remember Tony telling me about his song “the Storm that Never Ends.” It seems like many people died this week, Rita and Prince. Two people as different as can be, but both artists seeking God, faith, and love in their own way. That is what I have tried to do in my writing, to seek God. To glorify God through my writing. Through righteous actions and words. And yet I am left feeling terrified that I will fall and never get up again. Still I do hope, still I do pray. Still I do remember. I remember you Bruce Springsteen girl. I remember you Anna Kulik. I remember you Dominick. I will never forget you. Cyndi Lauper sings “I drove all night to get to you.” Reminiscent of Bruce’s “Candy’s room,” don’t you think? “To get to Candy’s room you have to walk the darkness of Candy’s halls.” Maybe it’s time to pick up the guitar? I hear Cyndi Lauper sing “All through the night.” “We have no past, we won’t reach back” sings Cyndi. It’ raining. I was just remembering the song “Kiss the rain” when I was lying awake in bed, a lonely night, thinking about my dear departed friend Rita and my valiant Bruce Springsteen girl. It’s pouring. Remember when Prince sang “purple rain” through the rain during the Superbowl?! “You with the sad look in your eyes, don’t be discouraged” sings Cyndi. “Yellow diamonds in the light, now were standing side by side, as your shadow touches mine, what it takes to come alive”! Aren’t we all under God’s umbrella?!

“Kiss the rain” blue Springsteen girl, I am.



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She Died with a Full Heart (A obituary for Rita Mazel)
Tuesday April 26th, 2016 ~1:06AM-6:26PM

Mary Elizabeth Frye once wrote: “Do not stand at my grave and cry, I am not there, I did not die.” Still I cried upon hearing the news of tyetya Rita’s passing, on Monday April 25th, 2016.

Fydor Michaelovich Dostoyevsky once wrote: “Beauty will save the world.” That is the essence of what he stood for, and so did tyetya Rita. I believe that is why she felt such a strong spiritual connection and kinship with him.

Lybov described tyetya Rita’s passing:
She was “lying like an angel.” “She sighed the air a couple of times and died.” This reminds me of my poem “the Redeeming Moment” where I write: “The sound of God is a simple sigh, which reminds us all that we one day must die. And dying is a sacred thing too, It’s about fields emerald and skies blue.”

Tyetya Rita lived a long meaningful life, full of much joy and sorrow. Finally, she crossed over, as we all one day must, and made it to the green Elysian Fields, with Fydor Michaelovich standing there to meet her on that side. With crystal clear blue skies above and golden sunshine on her face, she met the Jesus she so cherished and loved in her walk with God.

She met her God like she lived: with courage, dignity, and hope. God sped her to the Elysian Fields, to her beloved friend Fydor Michaelovich.

She died with a full heart.

R.I.P. Rita Mazel Frida Osipovna age 84, 07/19/1931-04/25/2016 beloved Dostoyevsky scholar and woman of God.

With love,
Until we meet again,

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A Little Bit of Salt (for Ashley)
Thursday April 28th. 2016 ~1:54PM

A little bit of salt,
That’s what I’ve been told,
What it takes,
Is a little bit of salt.

I cry,
My dear I cannot deny,
My yearning I need to satisfy.

Ashley, godspeed,

Don’t forget about me,
Ashley, your kind face I can see,
I wish in your arms I could be.


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When, in disgrace with fortune and men’s eyes,
I all alone beweep my outcast state,
And trouble deaf heaven with my bootless cries,
And look upon myself, and curse my fate,
Wishing me like to one more rich in hope,
Featur’d like him, like him with friends possess’d,
Desiring this man’s art and that man’s scope,
With what I most enjoy contented least;
Yet in these thoughts myself almost despising,
Haply I think on thee, and then my state,
Like to the lark at break of day arising
From sullen earth, sings hymns at heaven’s gate;
For thy sweet love remember’d such wealth brings
That then I scorn to change my state with kings.


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Poet Through the Badlands (for steeler)
Thursday April 28th, 2016 ~11:10PM-~11:27PM

I’m a poet through the badlands,
Through steeler’s bitter, sarcastic, hateful madlands,
But for kindness I make no demands.

Steeler, why don’t you look deep within your soul,
And rediscover Bruce’s gentle good rock’n'roll?

And instead of trying to tear an innocent sensitive poet down,
Turn your bitter hateful frown,
Upside down.

If I doubt, I might say: what’s the use,
A cruel heart like yours could never love Bruce.

But I won’t say that,
Or my human dignity and compassion would fall flat.

Here’s what I will say:
For cruel hearts like yours, every day I do pray,
And I’ll meet you on the Elysian Fields one sunny day.

Here’s what I suggest for your soul:
Don’t hope an innocent poet will fall,
Instead, pray one day my love will be whole.

And yes I did spend time in the psych hospital,
But through the torture I sustained, I learned to stand tall.

And as for the honey with the cherry red lips,
It was her who was caressing my fingertips.

And giving me a divine,
Thumbs up sign.

Brother, that’s right:
One day soon me and my golden haired honey will “prove it all night.”

God bless you, steeler,

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I Can See

I Can See
Friday April 29th, 2016 ~11:50PM

I can see,
There is cruelty,
In much of humanity.

It’s a surefire bet,
There is some hateful person right now on the net,
Wishing some innocent persons spirit dead,
With words like a bullet to the head.

Somewhere there is someone killing,
Blood spilling,
And falsely deeming it fulfilling.

Donald Trump speaks hateful and ignorant words,
And at the polls reaps rich rewards.

Someone is eating chicken salad,
And thinking they are glad,
Isn’t that truly mad?!

I plead with you: don’t eat that rib or those stakes,
A little compassion is all that it takes.

Do you really think you can boil a living lobster alive,
And your soul will still thrive?

I want to you to know,
It isn’t so,
Killing will only bring woe,
Eating meat is compassion’s foe.

Instead of letting sin,
Eat vegan!

A little compassion is all that it takes,
Please do it soon before God’s heart breaks.

And then despite the cruelty,
One day we all will be free.

God bless you,
Dear friends,
Love, always,

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I Will, I Will

I Will, I Will
Saturday April 30th, 2016 ~4:17PM

Who will believe in those who do not believe in those who do not believe in themselves?
I will, I will.

Who will be a friend to those whose hearts are bitter?
I will, I will.

Who will love those who have hate in their hearts?
I will, I will.

Who will stand up for the unborn?
I will, I will.

Who will love those that do not love themselves?
I will, I will.

Who will love the animals, birds, and the fishes of the sea?
I will, I will.

Who will speak the truth?
I will, I will.

Who will love the world with all his heart?
I will, I will.

Love, always,

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I’m Still Standing

I’m Still Standing
Monday May 2nd, 2016 ~8:26PM-~8:28

Though the fires of hell burn bright tonight,
Though the chaos and the drought overtakes all,
Though I may be fighting a lost cause,
I’m still standing.

Through the day,
Through the night,
Through the fire,
Through the fight,
I’m still standing.



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Living with Emotion (I’ll Never Be Enlightened)
Tuesday May 3rd, 2016 ~8:08AM-~8:38AM

I woke up at 4:45 AM this morning. Lay in bed for two hours trying to fall asleep, and thinking about everything. And then: I remembered Ed Sheeran’s beautiful “Thinking Out Loud” (“Baby my heart could fall as hard as at twenty three”); gasped, sobbed, and started crying, almost uncontrollably (I won’t say why, I already covered that in the “Bruce Springsteen girl” poem and the “So Lonely” song/poem). My brother and my mother came in a minute or to later with the obligatory: “are you alright?” Of course I’m alright. Where there’s emotion there’s hope. Where there’s sadness and longing, there’s definitely hope. No doubt about that. A few minutes later the emotion was gone and came the obligatory “are you better?” question (with the implied obligatory answer of “yes”). No, no I’m not better, empty. It’s not that I don’t appreciate the concern, I do. It’s just that people are much more likely to assume you’re “OK” when you show no emotion, than when you show feeling. You can be “OK,” and yet screaming a horrible empty scream on the inside. I’m much better when I’m crying or laughing.

But I’ve seen another thing. Brutal, empty, merciless: the chasm. “What are you?” I asked the chasm. And there was no reply. Some call it depression, in theology its called ignosticism (the idea that is beyond atheism: the idea that I won’t even say “God doesn’t exist,” for that would acknowledge that there is such an idea as God, and in a sense is an admission that there is a God), In philosophy it’s called nihilism. In common parlance its called the occult. The emptiness. The hollow brutal emptiness. Where the highs are not so high and the lows are not so low, until you get to a point, where there are no highs or lows, some call it “balance”, some call it “stability”, I call it “zombie-ism.” Some preach this philosophy outright, others (like Eckhart Tolle and company) preach love and peace, but if you read between the lines in their work, you will see: they preach nihilism. There is no emotion. There is no higher purpose. There is no truth. There is no God. There is no love. What are they preaching but hate and fear in disguise?! It is always the nihilists who do the most damage. The people who preach this are always the enlightened/perfect ones, or the ones who believe in some enlightened/perfect one or ones.

The hell with that. I’m not enlightened, and never will be. I’d much rather be imperfect and live with emotion.


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Facebook Trolol Patrol

Facebook Trolol Patrol
Saturday May 14th, 2016 ~1:36AM-~1:48AM

And then I said to my friend: “this troll is not a crook, this troll is a troll (an alert from trolol patrol, lol).” You may ask what this troll’s name is and  I can’t tell you. No I can’t, I just can’t. It wouldn’t be ethical. I can’t, I just can’t. Ok, since you ask, I’ll give you a hint: the troll’s name starts with a “K,” in fact the troll’s name is Karen, lol! A very prize aware Karen if you will, lol! ;-)

I discussed hope with the troll, I educated the troll on Chris Hedges, most of all we discussed troll matters and I fed the troll hummus. By the pound. Non-Stop. For three hours! Lol ;-) Finally the troll claimed that I was a troll and walked away! Lol! ;-)
What a troll, what a troll, what a mighty fine troll, lol! ;-) This has been an alert from troll patrol. Now trending on twitter: #facebooktrollpatrol ! Lol! ;-)

P.S: Do your civic duty: vote for Hillary and re-post this essay on social media ;-) !


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